is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize