Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
