im holly from the hills drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
