My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
