I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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