Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
