I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
