I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
