you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
