I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The best revenge is premature balding
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
