bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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