Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize