The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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