My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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