Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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