I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
