The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
