Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
