wat bout pragnant strippers??
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
