I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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