So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
