I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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