No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
