Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
