If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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