I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
