He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
