Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
