Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
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ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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