totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
