Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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