Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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