Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i dont even know how to be here
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
