Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
