Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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