my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
