just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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