i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
