I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
