lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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