At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Barsexuality is the new black.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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