i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
