Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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