im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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