can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
