Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
