Porn is love you can see.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
