I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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