I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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