What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
