She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
