What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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