I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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