I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
