hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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