oh god the rape fog is back!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
