I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
