I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
