he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize