I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(