Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..