Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME