I heard we made out
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool