You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
