I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
