I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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