Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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