When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
