I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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